All is well in the land of my imaginary conflict

All is well in the land of my imaginary conflict.

More on that later.

Suffice to say - Valentine's Day is overrated. But lovely, because he was present in my life.

There are lots of demand from various people of me, my time, my life.

I shall keep on and keep on.

He's gone anyway. I like the aspect of him being gone. I like having him telling me that he was gone. I don't mind sharing. I just wanted honesty.

Honesty is not an easy endeavor for many, as it turned out.

I shall be fine. We all will be fine.

Here was what was really interesting, which for sure I'd use it in my materials.

"Did you sleep well? Did you dream? What did you dream about?" B asked.
"I dreamed about my book."
"You remembered? That means that you didn't sleep well." B responded.

I didn't tell him the truth. See I told you, honesty is not the easiest thing to achieve.

During his conference call, early in the morning, I drifted back to sleep.

I dreamed of him coming into the bedroom, and told me that he wanted to fuck again. We just fucked.  While I was surprised, I was happy to oblige.

He kissed me. He entered me. then he said, "I love you."

At that precise moment. I woke up. It was 7:15 AM.

 I have not quite figured out the significance of that dream.

Did I wake up because I was happy to hear him saying that? I would have imagined that subconsciously I would have stayed in that dream longer had it been the case.

That leaves the other assumption.

I was afraid of him falling in love with me.

He and I both chose words carefully.

"I love fucking you."
"I love being with you."

It's always an action followed by the magic or dreaded word "love".

I'm a romantic in heart. But I'm a die hard cynic on the surface.

I am convinced - soul mates don't exist, love, in the pure sense of love, does not exist.

Then part of the non-existent me, occasionally would come out to play. That's when my head gets all screwed up.

I told him that I don't mind sharing him with others. He thought that I meant men. I meant other women.

Once I let go of jealousy, possessiveness, I am light as a feather. I accept him for who he is.

That feeling is actually quite transcendent, if you ask me.

Try it sometimes. It will do you good. If you are a girl like me!