Therapist goes on vacation, I take stock of what is like to be a Scorpio

Therapist's going to Italy, Paris and Brussels for 3-week vacation. Won't see me until end of June. She says that I don't need to see others while she's gone. I guess I am her model patient. I suspect that she enjoys me telling her my stories.  Every bit of it. I am a good storyteller. I pay attention to details because details matter.

She's from Chicago and asks me to say hi to Michigan Ave. She used to have two offices facing the lake. I say to her that I will not try to think of my past, but instead focus on the future.  Yet, when I talk about Chicago, I realize that my subconscious mind knows more than my conscious mind let on.

Examples: I have found myself having a conversation with her about the elevated trains (What? I was on those trains before?) and the wind on the top of the Sears Tower (I was at the top of it before I went to the Empire State building. I remember telling my companion in New York that this is not nearly as windy as the Sears Tower.) I tell her that I used to go to bars and drink beer (Really? Beer? Me?). There was a big dog at my friend's house. We would go and grab White Castle burgers at 3 AM (This is way before that Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle movie was made, by about 10 years.) The Northwestern games we went to were fun (What? I watched college football?) and the tailgate parties were the bomb.  And I remembered sitting at a Greek restaurant, looking out, and the rest I shall not put down.

“Scorpio woman is very emotional, very demanding and very demonstrative. She is full of flair and intrigue.”

She: "You know that book Fifty Shades of Gray?"

I: "Yes I told you the last time. But you know why I don't read it."

She: "You are ahead of your time."

I have heard that exact comment before, once, at a restaurant, in the fall, sitting by the counter, eating a meal with an old friend, in a funky little restaurant full of old short wave radios, South of Market. I remember feeling out of place. A place not for someone like me. I don't remember where it is, but I do remember hearing him saying that exact words to me. My life, as it turns out, is taking a different turn of a sort at that precise moment. He and I don’t talk about such things any longer.  In fact we rarely talk.

I miss our interactions more than anything else.  I don’t have many old friends from more than a decade ago. Sometimes people grow apart as they grow closer. Sometimes only time will gain one’s perspective.  I miss him as a friend. He used to write every so often, giving me an update of his life.  But I now know nothing about him. But I trust that one day that person will come back. He’s a friend for more than fourteen years and he will remain to be my friend. I’m loyal to my friends.

“Underneath the cool exterior, energies and emotions are constantly flowing but the Scorpio deals with this be channeling this into useful activities, hobbies, relationships or a career. This is never apparent to the outside observer but knowing this fact explains why Scorpios are so passionate about whatever it is that they are undertaking.” 

The best advice is to be honest with a Scorpio friend and in return, you will gain an amazing friend you will never forget and who will be loyal to you and never make false promises. Their truthful and shocking sense of humor if different than that of any other zodiac sign and the Scorpio makes an amazing, powerful interesting friend that can be trusted.”

As I continue my dialogue with my therapist, on the subject of writing, I tell her one day I will write my story. She said, "But wait until you are truly old." I will be writing, in my 80s, hopefully far away, in France. Maybe alone, maybe not. But I won't be lonely. I'm good at gathering friends. As it turns out.

“Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won't give up. They are perfectly suited to being on their own. They are not social butterflies like some other zodiac signs and some actually prefer to live on their own that way there is never any issue of who controls what at home, they like to be in control.”

Dead won’t tell no tale. My stories, hopefully, by then, will involve those who will no longer be alive.

I hug her and wish her a good journey.

As we part, she asks "what is your mood today?" I say, "a solid 7." I've only given a 7 once since I've met her: It was a particularly sunny spring day, Thursday morning, something had happened the night before, and I was feeling wonderfully alive. I remembered her looking at me, full of weary. "I don't like this. This." As it turned out, she was right. As I slipped into darkness, one week exactly, and as things perpetually went down hill, I wondered aloud, "Why?  Why me?"

“Scorpios are all about control, they need to be in control at all times. To be out of control is very threatening, even dangerous to the Scorpio's psyche, when they control, they feel safe.

Scorpios are constantly trying to understand their emotions through finding a deeper purpose in life.”

But I'm good at regenerating like a true Scorpio.

My best friend is really into astrology. He is a Scorpio like me. Whenever I'm down, he says "you are a Scorpio, start acting like one."

I finally looked up on what being a Scorpio is meant: http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/zodiac-signs/scorpio.htm.

I am annoyed - because he's putting me in a box, even though that box does fit.