An old friend writes: " You seemed to skirt that issue."
I: "I've got nothing to say."
Friend then asks the question everyone who knows me asks. "Tell me again, why..."
I ignored that comment.
The exact "why" lies with this: You don't know what you are missing until you no longer have it. You spend years wondering what ifs, or try to block it out by living obliviously with the choices you made and path you've chosen. No one really wants to be the first to admit defeat. No one really wants to ask the question, "Why? Why are you this way?"
Instead, we mask our emotions, feelings, we block them out and move on. We congratulate ourselves for the choices we subsequently make, we try to make peace with everything. Then a certain age hits, and then you all of sudden question what happened, how it happened. You wonder if there is a way to course correct, but you are too set in your ways, so you dial back and reset.
All those wonderful books and literature teach you about how to behave, how to handle the sudden awakening, but no one really offers a real cure. You suffer through anyway. You become sarcastic, withdrawal, transition your energy to things you can control, and live that life you are meant to live, and pretend nothing has ever happened.
It becomes a poker game.
You wonder if you should show your hands regardless of your component's reaction. Then you remember how it felt, the feeling of rejection, the feeling of indifference, the feeling of the past, the feeling of being humiliated, and you realize that it's perfectly okay to admit defeat, there is another way.
So you fold your hands and walk away, tears swallowed, no one needs to know why. You walk away with some dignity, and you say it's bed time and I ought to retreat.
Just like that, you think, "I have closed, yet another chapter of your life."
But have you?
I: "I've got nothing to say."
Friend then asks the question everyone who knows me asks. "Tell me again, why..."
I ignored that comment.
The exact "why" lies with this: You don't know what you are missing until you no longer have it. You spend years wondering what ifs, or try to block it out by living obliviously with the choices you made and path you've chosen. No one really wants to be the first to admit defeat. No one really wants to ask the question, "Why? Why are you this way?"
Instead, we mask our emotions, feelings, we block them out and move on. We congratulate ourselves for the choices we subsequently make, we try to make peace with everything. Then a certain age hits, and then you all of sudden question what happened, how it happened. You wonder if there is a way to course correct, but you are too set in your ways, so you dial back and reset.
All those wonderful books and literature teach you about how to behave, how to handle the sudden awakening, but no one really offers a real cure. You suffer through anyway. You become sarcastic, withdrawal, transition your energy to things you can control, and live that life you are meant to live, and pretend nothing has ever happened.
It becomes a poker game.
You wonder if you should show your hands regardless of your component's reaction. Then you remember how it felt, the feeling of rejection, the feeling of indifference, the feeling of the past, the feeling of being humiliated, and you realize that it's perfectly okay to admit defeat, there is another way.
So you fold your hands and walk away, tears swallowed, no one needs to know why. You walk away with some dignity, and you say it's bed time and I ought to retreat.
Just like that, you think, "I have closed, yet another chapter of your life."
But have you?
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