Midlife crisis - Take 3

Shannon was 39 and half, has three girls with her stay at home husband. She's one of the youngest partners in a prestigious law firm's San Francisco branch office. She was a triathlete,  half Asian, half Caucasian. Her husband worked for a pharmaceutical firm, and traveled Monday through Friday. When she made partner he quit his job and now he stayed home and take care of their children.

On a school union / network event, she met an older gentleman who was just at the verge of turning 50. He had a career as a law professor, but now he played the trumpet, wrote songs, played tennis and did yoga.

Shannon grew up in the bay area, this gentleman, we will call him Gregory, moved from New York City to the bay area twenty five years ago. He had grown up on the upper west side, though he came to California for graduate school.

Shannon was smitten by Gregory. He was not young by all means, but he was charismatic and he liked her despite the fact she was a high powered woman. Many men couldn’t stand strong woman, as Shannon noticed. Gregory also liked her having her money and did not treat her as if she was his.

When they went out he paid half. He didn't argue when she insisted in paying at least half. He opened door for her, shut the car door after she got in, he held her hand when he drove, he didn't want her to be just happy, he wanted her to be herself.

Shannon loved her husband, but he stayed home and had very little to say about her professional life. Gregory had gone through it all and was serving as a good guide to her work problems. Shannon liked that he was older. He had only one rule in the bedroom. He would not climax until Shannon did.  These were things women of Shannon's situation could appreciate. She had been married for 15 years and had been with the same man for 17. They practically got married the moment she graduated from college.

Shannon was private. When Gregory told her that he was married, but separated, and his estranged wife lived up in Washington state in a house he's paying, with his two teenage children, Shannon was relieved, rather than being worried, she thought it made she and Gregory to be even playing field.

They saw each other twice or three times a week.  He was popular among his musician friends.  He played with them sometimes and sometimes he went to their shows. Soon Shannon went to these events and venues also. She listened to Gregory playing even though she didn’t care for his music. She just sat there and had a glass of wine, and sometimes chatted with other musicians. They thought she was Gregory’s girlfriend. She didn’t deny.

Shannon took up playing tennis. She told her husband that she was learning something new. She liked to have something to do with Gregory besides going to night clubs listening to him performing. Gregory did not demand of her time when she was busy with the children and her husband. She told him when she was available and when she wasn’t. Gregory understood what was like to raise three children.

One day Gregory asked her if she'd go away to his cabin in Oregon. A place he bought that was so remote, but it had a landing strip, which was convenient because he was also a pilot.

Shannon went with Gregory. They spent a lovely weekend.

She never told her husband about this affair, when Gregory's friends became Shannon's friends on Facebook, she told Gregory that she'd never be friends with him on Facebook. Gregory said "I understand."

Shannon wanted to say, "No you don't", but she kept it to herself. She didn't need to know everything about Gregory, or his female friends, or anyone whom he was friends with. She also did not want Gregory to gain more insight about her own life. She wanted to keep her other life separate from this one. Both Gregory and Shannon never took Facebook as a medium of communication. They texted and he called. He liked talking to her on the phone. She found it refreshing.  

Shannon suspected Gregory had other women. She did not care. He was a good lover and she missed that physical intimacy which was lacking for years now in her marriage.

Occasionally they would go out to the city to watch a show, she always wore her wedding ring. She had nothing to hide from Gregory, This was "it is what it is" situation.

Shannon never dressed up to impress Gregory. She often wore little makeup, jeans, shirts and work clothes if they met up in the city after work. She never had to feel that she need to impress Gregory. He was not just her lover, but also her friend.  He told her that her best feature was her nose, followed very close second to be her smooth skin. No one had ever complimented her nose before, they all thought her eyes were the best attribute, because she was half and half and had the biggest almond shaped eyes ever.

At some point, Gregory said that it was not sex that mattered, it was this connection and companionship.

As much as Shannon loved her husband, she no longer felt that physical intimacy with her husband for years now. She stopped knowing how to orgasm because she forgot how. Until Gregory came along.

Through Gregory, Shannon started to see the city of San Francisco under a different light, she also started to visit Washington state, whenever Gregory was there, she booked a hotel and stayed close by.

She and Gregory both knew at some point, they may have to discuss this arrangement, she did not want to be the first one to discuss it.

She confined to her girlfriend (me) and asked for my opinion.

I was never good at giving guidance. I told her to continue. "Just follow your heart."  I said. I never met Gregory but I liked him. I thought he treated her right. He was better than the previous lovers Shannon took on, many neglected her and treated her poorly. She didn’t deserve to be treated as such. I suspected that Shannon had some childhood trauma that led her to stray and led her to fall for wrong kind of men. I never told her such things. I figured that one day she’d figure it out. I liked Gregory even though I never met him. She didn’t want anyone to meet him, not yet.  

I had such a great instinct about all my girlfriends, I was abused once or twice before. I could sniff them out.

Maybe Gregory would break her heart. Or she'd break his.

No one knew.

The last time I talked to Shannon, Gregory had just returned from Washington where the family, including his estranged wife, celebrated his oldest son's  17birthday and his son's college admission.

Shannon said, "Nothing would need to change. It's the best of the both worlds. I’m married. He's married. We both are parents. We get each other."

I really liked Shannon. I consider her one of my coolest friends. Our children occasionally hang out together. I liked how smart she was, and how active she was and how devoted she was to her family, this affair notwithstanding. I wish her the best of luck. I never met Gregory, but he seemed cool. I hope to meet both of them someday. Maybe when the next time Gregory was playing, Shannon would invite me.