The unmarriable man

So here is what I know: when a man is over 45, has already a child (children), divorced or never been married, chances are, if you are looking to get married, he is not your target. He will not get married to you, unless you are a super hot 22 year old (which you are not) and he's going through a midlife crisis, or he's a statistical outlier, which can happen. But chances are - he's not an outlier, and you are not the love of his life, and if you are, he still does not want to get married.

Here is the thing - men who have gone through the children thing, and have their shit together, in their 40s, or 50s, the thing that drive them to get close to you, is sex, not marriage.

You, being the girl who still believes in marriage and happily ever after, need to pick one or the other. You have a higher chance getting hit by a bus than getting married to an unmarriable man. But you can still get happily ever after, if you just let go of that marriage thing.

You can have fun. Lots of fun, if you just let go of your desire to get married.

You wonder why I feel this way? Well, I have been defriended by a gal, a really nice gal, who was a girlfriend to someone who is a friend of mine, and he's divorced with children, she's never been married, and I think she wanted marriage, and he - not so much. I imagine. I should probably ask him though. I'm bitter. I like her. I like them together. I want to see them getting married. I know that she had high hopes. I know that she was hoping that they'd get married.

But I know men. I've known men in their 40s ever since I was in my early 20s. I like men in their mid 40s because I never thought I'd get married. They are the unmarriable type so they were perfect for me. So when men reaches that 45+ milestone, the women who want to get married, probably should think about their options.

Here is the thing. Why get married? Really, what do you gain from marriage? Marriage is a piece of paper. I can tell you, it is only useful if you desperately need to change your last name so your ex-boyfriend who is a Defense Intelligence Agent (aka a spy) can't find you and hunt you down, that's it. But what's the chance of that? How many of you dated a spy? I suspect if you are reading this, you have not dated one, or nearly married one, or had been thoroughly investigated by the U.S government because you were the fiance of a spy and you were not a U.S. citizen at the time. But I digress.

If I was not married ("yeah it's easy for you to say" - you say, and you are right, it is easy for me to say), I would probably stay not married. I don't think the marital institution is a good one. It's only there because it's a traditional way to raise a family. If you don't get married, you don't get divorced. if you don't get married, you can date multiple people at the same time and not have to worry about the dreaded word "cheating", you can take off and do whatever you want (not that married people don't do that, I do that for instance), you can have fabulous sex, all the time, with different partners (so I'm assuming), and you can go out on dates and fall in love with different people.

You can have a great relationship with a man - just don't expect him to change, or to get married, to walk down the aisle with you, arriving at that beautiful trellis covered with white climbing roses right by that blue than blue ocean. But, you can be free, you don't have to be the evil stepmother, you can be that cool, pretty aunt to his child(ren), you can buy nice presents to spoil his child(ren) with, without having to ever endure the weekend brunch duty. And even if you did, you could make those eating and making Belgium waffles a sexy event by wearing his white button down dress shirt and your boy brief, you'd look sexier than the Sports Illustrated model with your hair tied up. You can be sexy, be desired, dressed like his fantasy girl, smell good and not ever have to worry about him seeing you in that dreaded old pajama, or wonder if it's too much to always walk around naked - because you don't live with him, don't live with him. You can be that wonderful, confident, smart, worldly woman, and never have to worry to be taken for granted.

In his 40s or early 50s, he will be self centered, lives in his own world, he will not chase you always, he is set in his ways. But he is less likely to fool around. He does not have the energy to fool around.

So why not do the French woman do? They get better as they age. They love their own lives. They don't get clingy, they don't get demanding, they don't ask the man to define everything, they don't have to know what tomorrow is like today.

Tomorrow is unknown. You take that marriage thing out of the equation, tomorrow is damn good. I am married, but I still like the unknown tomorrow. I don't like the known future. I still want to be surprised.
So don't break up with someone because he does not want to get married to you after 6 months together, or a year, or two years.

Trust me, marriage is overrated.

Sex, on the other hand, is always underrated. Have some fun. Stop worrying. Stop defining things. Stop trying to figure out if he's the marriable type.

If he's 45+, have child(ren), divorced or never been married, chances are, he won't want to get married, not to you, not tomorrow, possibly not to anyone. He is the unmarriable type.

And that's OK too. Trust me!