"So I think we have a lot in common". The boy tells the girl.
"We both like to go from one topic to another, we both have fun together. We have great sex - I think I gave you lots of pleasure. And we both don't like to talk about football." Boy concludes while wrapped his legs around the girl.
"We both don't do emotions." The girl adds and giggles.
"What are we going to do?" The boy asks the girl as the time is running out.
"Get a cheap hotel?" He is contemplating options.
"I don't know. Do we have to?" Girl says. "We can always use your place. When is your wife gone?"
"She needs to take a vacation. She needs to be gone. So we can have a threesome. A proper threesome." Boy says.
"Then get on with it." Girls edges on. Girl has a tattoo just above her shoulder, off center. It's a scorpion. It's fresh and it's lively. Girl was born a Scorpio. Boy traces his hand over the new tat.
"I like this scorpion. It's stylized. It's different. It's strong and mysterious."
"Design came from a Dutch artist." Girl says.
"I recall you never wanted a tattoo." Boy asks.
"I never did. I also never thought I'd date you. I never did coke. I never did a threesome with a girl. and I never dated younger men. You are ten years younger than me." Girl says.
"But we have fun together. Don't you think? You are not dramatic, you are easy going. You are smart. You are pretty. And we get along. No drama." Boy counts the qualities of the girl. Boy grows a beard to make him look older.
Girls turns her back at the boy as his long arm continues to wrap around her body. He's tall, Swedish, and like her old Swedish lover, cares about her in an emotionally removed way. He never fails to see her. Always apologizes if plan has to change and then makes alternate plan AND stick to it. Boy goes to Burning Man every year with his cousins and wife. Boy's father is a professor at a renowned university in the south bay. Boy has blond hair and blue eyes. Just the girl's type.
"I think I like you." Girl says that.
Girl uses words carefully. Never the word of love, miss you, or hon or baby. Just name. Just simple straight forward words that can not be misunderstood.
Girl does not like to mislead.
This is what it looks like. It's just sex.
But lately girl finds boy seems to want more. It was supposed to be every other week, but now every week, even if they are not having sex, boy wants to see her.
"We need to set up an account on ashleymadison. To find ourselves a girl." Boy suggests.
"I need you to fuck me in the ass." Girl replies.
"I'd love to." Boy is getting excited again. They have two hour sessions. She calls sex session sexssion cardio.
"Suppose you find this girl, what do we do?" Girl asks the question.
"I know that you want to lick her pussy." Boy says. He seems to be excited even more.
"Yes, and I want you to fuck her while I lick her. And she must have a full bosom. voluptuous body, and she must be into a girl as well." Girl lists criteria for the boy.
"I'll create an account." Boy says.
It's late. They had dinner before fucking. They like to fuck in the rain. When the rain drops and hits the lemon tree in the backyard, when the rain drops and hits the ground. They fuck passionately.
Boy likes to plant things, cook food and create beautiful instruments to take to Burning Man. Boy has been there 9 times and has many adventures to tell. Girl will not go. Girl likes three showers a day and does not want to run into anyone who may be her professional connection there.
"Make me a meal." Girl kisses boy's neck and lazily spread her legs on the bed.
Boy says. "Yes I'd like that."
Girl likes to be in charge. To tell a boy what to do.
"Does it hurt?" Boy asks the girl.
"What?" Girl responds.
"Your new tat. The scorpion." Girl's long reddish hair spread all over the bed. Soft, long and fragile like her face. Soft and smooth, not anywhere near her real age.
"It did hurt. And it stopped." Girl says.
"Like when my boyfriend hurt me, broke my heart, and treated me like a whore, a call girl, and threw me aside when he was done with me." Girl thought to herself but did not say anything.
"I like this new you." Boy was admiring the tat and her back. She arched forward, and her butt sticking out.
"Do you want to get fucked again?" Boy asks.
"Yes please." Girl agrees that it was time to exercise again.
Sex has been more than fantastic. Boy aims to please girl and goes down on her, bites her toes and sucks on her nipples. Boy puts lube on and fucks her in the ass. She likes that now. Exboyfriend wanted to do that to her, she refused. But then exboyfriend stopped seeing her. He said that he wanted to see her badly but never made a plan. Exboyfriend seemed bipolar. One moment hot and one moment cold. Enough so that any other woman would have been sent to a crazy state - stalking him, calling him non stop, crying and showing up at his place. But she does not do such things. She knows when to cut her losses. She knows that when she has been repeatedly tormented and mistreated, it's no longer exboyfriend's fault, it's her own. So she stopped expecting and stopped everything, cold turkey.
Boy's long torso wraps the girl's body like a Danish wool blanket.
The rain started to come down hard. Hitting the windowsill. It reminds of boy Stockholm in August. It rained all the time whenever he was there. But the sun never sets. Boy lived in Stockholm and Oslo. Girl likes Stockholm more. Girl's ex boyfriend lived in a Scandinavian country too, and anything to do with anything about the ex should be exterminated.
"I liked to fuck in the rain. The world seemed to have nothing left but us. I can't believe how many times this has been the case. We've been lucky." Boy tells the girl. Boy always made time for the girl. Boy works long hours, stressful work, and boy made time for the girl. Exboyfriend tells the girl that he is not stressed with work, and work is manageable. But whenever he can't see her, exboyfriend used work as an excuse, "Client issues, must cancel. Work issues, can we postpone?" At some point, conflicting messages only meant one thing. Excuses. Lame excuses to mask lies.
"Like Seattle." Boy adds.
Boy has grown up in Seattle and Stockholm and Olso. Boy likes Sweden, but Boy also likes Norway. Girl does not ask anything about Norway. Exboyfriend lived there. it's not a place that girl is interested in learning. Boy has moved to the bay area some fifteen years ago.
Girl thinks everything happens for a reason. The first man in the recent year she has managed to connect with had traveled down from Seattle to see her. The sex was alright but the man demanded emotional connection which the girl could not offer. When that affair ended, the girl met a friend from a long time ago. She told him why that relationship did not work out. Why she only wanted to be sexually involved with someone. That man listened. And took her in. They had a lengthy relationship, until he demanded her to be "completely his", and that he wanted her emotionally committed to her, he called her my girlfriend and he treated her like a piece of used rag. Except by then the unintended consequence had occurred. The girl actually did form an emotional bond and she fell in love. She began to expect that she'd hear from him more often than once very few weeks. She expected that he'd realize his promise to her, and not cancel all the time on their dates. She wished that she had listened to her head and removed herself from it, but she fell in love. And love was when your brain stops functioning.
So when he fails again and again to realize his promises, he gives up all together and starts to treat her like some sort of transaction. One minute he says he can't wait to see her and the other minute a last minute cancellation, "Can we reschedule to next week?" As if she's his dentist, an appointment that needs to be rescheduled, not his lover, not the girl he just declared how much he missed her and needed her. When he cancelled, it was just like an appointment. A rescheduling of his root canal. She was his aching tooth that need to be extracted. And Sunday apparently was not a good day, thus rescheduling was needed.
Two months have passed since they saw each other last. No one is THAT busy. Girl realized her boyfriend must have found someone else. She is no longer a priority, she is no longer someone he gives a damn about, no matter what he says on paper. So she stops trying. At some point, the last straw is drawn and she has the shortest straw. She lost her game, her heart, her mind and her desire to go on.
It was then, a tremendous turn of events that she should find herself in, she is still in the boy's life, in an expanded role, because boy adores her and cares about her, not in so much words but in actions. Boy is confident, tall, young and extremely smart. Boy knows when he finds his match he won't let her go.
But she does not love the boy. She never did. She couldn't even if she tried. The heart is a fragile thing. It seals off, and takes 15 years to crack open. And when the flood gate opens it opens, but then it shuts down. Like the lock system in Yvonne River in the Burgundy region of France. When the water is flooded out, it's gone, drained and depleted.
She worries if the boy will love her. She can't do love. She has learned from her master. The mass manipulator. The person who has taught her how to seduce. How to win someone's heart and then trample on it. She will not trample or hurt anyone's heart. She's a decent woman. But love is a kiss of death.
She will never utter the world love again. Not in this life time. Not in a romantic way anyway.
Boy is inside of her again. Boy asks, "What type of woman you like?" Girl answers, "A big boobed woman with curves. Prefer she speaks French."
Boy is going to set up a profile. Find a girl, to play with his girl.
Girl starts to cry. Boy stops. "Is everything OK?" Boy asks gently.
"It's the rain, my dear." She says. "The rain makes me cry. I like raining nights."
Girl is crying for the lost of her true love. The man who broke her heart and disappeared into thin air. The man who said that he loved her but when she started to break down and cry and asked for him to say something, he gave her the silence treatment. Girl is crying for her lost innocence, violated trust, and above it all, faith, faith in him, in them, an illusion that he actually cared about her.
But girl does not do emotions in ordinary circumstance. Girl picks up the pieces and move on.
"Say, I met three guys. One Norwegian. One New Yorker and one Southerner. They want to hang out sometime. Banker, lawyer and tax accountant." Girls says to the boy.
"You always meet people. You meet people everywhere." Boy likes that about the girl. She's confident, secure, warm hearted, uninhibited and interesting. They are weird in the same ways. They have always been in sync, since the very first day they met.
"But I only fuck you now." Girl says. It's the truth. It started when boyfriend abandoned her, like her father abandoned her.
Boy kisses the girl, his face is smeared with glitter. Girl is getting dressed.
"We must go. We have to go home." Girl agrees.
"Next Tuesday then." Girl offers some options.
Boy likes to listen and agrees but boy also enjoys to offer opinions.
"I wonder what you will be like when you are 47." Boy has 17 years to go before 47.
Girl's ex boyfriend is 47. Girl still thinks about him. Girl does not know how to move on without grieving and extrapolate information out of her brain and burn them into ashes, figuratively speaking of course.
"Going to a party tomorrow. You coming?" Boy asks the girl.
Boy is never worried about showing her off to his friends and colleagues.
"Aren't you worried?" Girl asks.
"Just don't act romantic around me, when we are with my colleagues." Boy adds.
"Do I ever do that?" Girl questions.
"No, you never do. You are in my industry, we are all good."
"Just text me." Girl was being noncommittal.
Girl wants to go out and meet other men. Backup plans and men who would make her feel desirable again. Heartache is the worst kind. It eats you alive. It reminds you how insecure you are. Because you were abandoned. No one wanted you. Not even the one who told you that he loved you wanted you back.
Rebound is exactly what it sounds, it helps you to feel that you are wanted again, not some used baby bath water, poured out on the street. like she's some used car, used goods, and meant absolutely nothing to the man who allegedly loved her back.
The next day will come. Girl will be pursued by other strangers. Girl will be presented different business cards. Each one handing her one. The last one will say, "May I also offer my business card?" Cute boys who work in the city and single. Girl knows how to talk. She has been told she was the renaissance woman. Seduction is at the core of her being. But she never wanted to seduce. She just wanted her man back.
Boy will call her and say "Where are you?" Girl will answer, all sweet. "Oh you can't come to the bar? That's too bad. Enjoy your party. See you this week. Don't forget to set up the profile." Girl gives orders.
Boy listens and laughs. Boy also needs to buy some nautical rope and tie the girl up and spank her until she is screaming for pain. Girl does not know how to have normal sex. Only the man she was with understood her. But perhaps boy is trainable. Girl is not confident. But girl has to try. Her exboyfriend has abandoned her like she feared. Never ever gave a shit about her. Compartmentalized her, and when she wanted her own rights back, he left her, and went on with 99% of his life as if nothing ever existed between them.
That's what happens when your heart is broken. You attempt to create a past that resembles your life before any of this has happened. You try to move on. You try to feel that you are desirable and people will make time for you and care about you. You try to be in control. But you still can't figure out why he left you. He left you crying, helpless, sad, and begging for his return. And he just laughed, or perhaps he just had not thought about you at all. You never existed. You were just a free call girl at his service, his doormat. Until he was tired of you.
Perhaps that's really why. Because you are no longer his object of affection. You no longer mattered to him. You never did matter. And that is the end.
And with that, you know it's time to move on. It's never easy, but tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow boy will be there, to tell her how much she is wanted and how lucky he is to have found her.
Tomorrow. There is always a tomorrow.
"We both like to go from one topic to another, we both have fun together. We have great sex - I think I gave you lots of pleasure. And we both don't like to talk about football." Boy concludes while wrapped his legs around the girl.
"We both don't do emotions." The girl adds and giggles.
"What are we going to do?" The boy asks the girl as the time is running out.
"Get a cheap hotel?" He is contemplating options.
"I don't know. Do we have to?" Girl says. "We can always use your place. When is your wife gone?"
"She needs to take a vacation. She needs to be gone. So we can have a threesome. A proper threesome." Boy says.
"Then get on with it." Girls edges on. Girl has a tattoo just above her shoulder, off center. It's a scorpion. It's fresh and it's lively. Girl was born a Scorpio. Boy traces his hand over the new tat.
"I like this scorpion. It's stylized. It's different. It's strong and mysterious."
"Design came from a Dutch artist." Girl says.
"I recall you never wanted a tattoo." Boy asks.
"I never did. I also never thought I'd date you. I never did coke. I never did a threesome with a girl. and I never dated younger men. You are ten years younger than me." Girl says.
"But we have fun together. Don't you think? You are not dramatic, you are easy going. You are smart. You are pretty. And we get along. No drama." Boy counts the qualities of the girl. Boy grows a beard to make him look older.
Girls turns her back at the boy as his long arm continues to wrap around her body. He's tall, Swedish, and like her old Swedish lover, cares about her in an emotionally removed way. He never fails to see her. Always apologizes if plan has to change and then makes alternate plan AND stick to it. Boy goes to Burning Man every year with his cousins and wife. Boy's father is a professor at a renowned university in the south bay. Boy has blond hair and blue eyes. Just the girl's type.
"I think I like you." Girl says that.
Girl uses words carefully. Never the word of love, miss you, or hon or baby. Just name. Just simple straight forward words that can not be misunderstood.
Girl does not like to mislead.
This is what it looks like. It's just sex.
But lately girl finds boy seems to want more. It was supposed to be every other week, but now every week, even if they are not having sex, boy wants to see her.
"We need to set up an account on ashleymadison. To find ourselves a girl." Boy suggests.
"I need you to fuck me in the ass." Girl replies.
"I'd love to." Boy is getting excited again. They have two hour sessions. She calls sex session sexssion cardio.
"Suppose you find this girl, what do we do?" Girl asks the question.
"I know that you want to lick her pussy." Boy says. He seems to be excited even more.
"Yes, and I want you to fuck her while I lick her. And she must have a full bosom. voluptuous body, and she must be into a girl as well." Girl lists criteria for the boy.
"I'll create an account." Boy says.
It's late. They had dinner before fucking. They like to fuck in the rain. When the rain drops and hits the lemon tree in the backyard, when the rain drops and hits the ground. They fuck passionately.
Boy likes to plant things, cook food and create beautiful instruments to take to Burning Man. Boy has been there 9 times and has many adventures to tell. Girl will not go. Girl likes three showers a day and does not want to run into anyone who may be her professional connection there.
"Make me a meal." Girl kisses boy's neck and lazily spread her legs on the bed.
Boy says. "Yes I'd like that."
Girl likes to be in charge. To tell a boy what to do.
"Does it hurt?" Boy asks the girl.
"What?" Girl responds.
"Your new tat. The scorpion." Girl's long reddish hair spread all over the bed. Soft, long and fragile like her face. Soft and smooth, not anywhere near her real age.
"It did hurt. And it stopped." Girl says.
"Like when my boyfriend hurt me, broke my heart, and treated me like a whore, a call girl, and threw me aside when he was done with me." Girl thought to herself but did not say anything.
"I like this new you." Boy was admiring the tat and her back. She arched forward, and her butt sticking out.
"Do you want to get fucked again?" Boy asks.
"Yes please." Girl agrees that it was time to exercise again.
Sex has been more than fantastic. Boy aims to please girl and goes down on her, bites her toes and sucks on her nipples. Boy puts lube on and fucks her in the ass. She likes that now. Exboyfriend wanted to do that to her, she refused. But then exboyfriend stopped seeing her. He said that he wanted to see her badly but never made a plan. Exboyfriend seemed bipolar. One moment hot and one moment cold. Enough so that any other woman would have been sent to a crazy state - stalking him, calling him non stop, crying and showing up at his place. But she does not do such things. She knows when to cut her losses. She knows that when she has been repeatedly tormented and mistreated, it's no longer exboyfriend's fault, it's her own. So she stopped expecting and stopped everything, cold turkey.
Boy's long torso wraps the girl's body like a Danish wool blanket.
The rain started to come down hard. Hitting the windowsill. It reminds of boy Stockholm in August. It rained all the time whenever he was there. But the sun never sets. Boy lived in Stockholm and Oslo. Girl likes Stockholm more. Girl's ex boyfriend lived in a Scandinavian country too, and anything to do with anything about the ex should be exterminated.
"I liked to fuck in the rain. The world seemed to have nothing left but us. I can't believe how many times this has been the case. We've been lucky." Boy tells the girl. Boy always made time for the girl. Boy works long hours, stressful work, and boy made time for the girl. Exboyfriend tells the girl that he is not stressed with work, and work is manageable. But whenever he can't see her, exboyfriend used work as an excuse, "Client issues, must cancel. Work issues, can we postpone?" At some point, conflicting messages only meant one thing. Excuses. Lame excuses to mask lies.
"Like Seattle." Boy adds.
Boy has grown up in Seattle and Stockholm and Olso. Boy likes Sweden, but Boy also likes Norway. Girl does not ask anything about Norway. Exboyfriend lived there. it's not a place that girl is interested in learning. Boy has moved to the bay area some fifteen years ago.
Girl thinks everything happens for a reason. The first man in the recent year she has managed to connect with had traveled down from Seattle to see her. The sex was alright but the man demanded emotional connection which the girl could not offer. When that affair ended, the girl met a friend from a long time ago. She told him why that relationship did not work out. Why she only wanted to be sexually involved with someone. That man listened. And took her in. They had a lengthy relationship, until he demanded her to be "completely his", and that he wanted her emotionally committed to her, he called her my girlfriend and he treated her like a piece of used rag. Except by then the unintended consequence had occurred. The girl actually did form an emotional bond and she fell in love. She began to expect that she'd hear from him more often than once very few weeks. She expected that he'd realize his promise to her, and not cancel all the time on their dates. She wished that she had listened to her head and removed herself from it, but she fell in love. And love was when your brain stops functioning.
So when he fails again and again to realize his promises, he gives up all together and starts to treat her like some sort of transaction. One minute he says he can't wait to see her and the other minute a last minute cancellation, "Can we reschedule to next week?" As if she's his dentist, an appointment that needs to be rescheduled, not his lover, not the girl he just declared how much he missed her and needed her. When he cancelled, it was just like an appointment. A rescheduling of his root canal. She was his aching tooth that need to be extracted. And Sunday apparently was not a good day, thus rescheduling was needed.
Two months have passed since they saw each other last. No one is THAT busy. Girl realized her boyfriend must have found someone else. She is no longer a priority, she is no longer someone he gives a damn about, no matter what he says on paper. So she stops trying. At some point, the last straw is drawn and she has the shortest straw. She lost her game, her heart, her mind and her desire to go on.
It was then, a tremendous turn of events that she should find herself in, she is still in the boy's life, in an expanded role, because boy adores her and cares about her, not in so much words but in actions. Boy is confident, tall, young and extremely smart. Boy knows when he finds his match he won't let her go.
But she does not love the boy. She never did. She couldn't even if she tried. The heart is a fragile thing. It seals off, and takes 15 years to crack open. And when the flood gate opens it opens, but then it shuts down. Like the lock system in Yvonne River in the Burgundy region of France. When the water is flooded out, it's gone, drained and depleted.
She worries if the boy will love her. She can't do love. She has learned from her master. The mass manipulator. The person who has taught her how to seduce. How to win someone's heart and then trample on it. She will not trample or hurt anyone's heart. She's a decent woman. But love is a kiss of death.
She will never utter the world love again. Not in this life time. Not in a romantic way anyway.
Boy is inside of her again. Boy asks, "What type of woman you like?" Girl answers, "A big boobed woman with curves. Prefer she speaks French."
Boy is going to set up a profile. Find a girl, to play with his girl.
Girl starts to cry. Boy stops. "Is everything OK?" Boy asks gently.
"It's the rain, my dear." She says. "The rain makes me cry. I like raining nights."
Girl is crying for the lost of her true love. The man who broke her heart and disappeared into thin air. The man who said that he loved her but when she started to break down and cry and asked for him to say something, he gave her the silence treatment. Girl is crying for her lost innocence, violated trust, and above it all, faith, faith in him, in them, an illusion that he actually cared about her.
But girl does not do emotions in ordinary circumstance. Girl picks up the pieces and move on.
"Say, I met three guys. One Norwegian. One New Yorker and one Southerner. They want to hang out sometime. Banker, lawyer and tax accountant." Girls says to the boy.
"You always meet people. You meet people everywhere." Boy likes that about the girl. She's confident, secure, warm hearted, uninhibited and interesting. They are weird in the same ways. They have always been in sync, since the very first day they met.
"But I only fuck you now." Girl says. It's the truth. It started when boyfriend abandoned her, like her father abandoned her.
Boy kisses the girl, his face is smeared with glitter. Girl is getting dressed.
"We must go. We have to go home." Girl agrees.
"Next Tuesday then." Girl offers some options.
Boy likes to listen and agrees but boy also enjoys to offer opinions.
"I wonder what you will be like when you are 47." Boy has 17 years to go before 47.
Girl's ex boyfriend is 47. Girl still thinks about him. Girl does not know how to move on without grieving and extrapolate information out of her brain and burn them into ashes, figuratively speaking of course.
"Going to a party tomorrow. You coming?" Boy asks the girl.
Boy is never worried about showing her off to his friends and colleagues.
"Aren't you worried?" Girl asks.
"Just don't act romantic around me, when we are with my colleagues." Boy adds.
"Do I ever do that?" Girl questions.
"No, you never do. You are in my industry, we are all good."
"Just text me." Girl was being noncommittal.
Girl wants to go out and meet other men. Backup plans and men who would make her feel desirable again. Heartache is the worst kind. It eats you alive. It reminds you how insecure you are. Because you were abandoned. No one wanted you. Not even the one who told you that he loved you wanted you back.
Rebound is exactly what it sounds, it helps you to feel that you are wanted again, not some used baby bath water, poured out on the street. like she's some used car, used goods, and meant absolutely nothing to the man who allegedly loved her back.
The next day will come. Girl will be pursued by other strangers. Girl will be presented different business cards. Each one handing her one. The last one will say, "May I also offer my business card?" Cute boys who work in the city and single. Girl knows how to talk. She has been told she was the renaissance woman. Seduction is at the core of her being. But she never wanted to seduce. She just wanted her man back.
Boy will call her and say "Where are you?" Girl will answer, all sweet. "Oh you can't come to the bar? That's too bad. Enjoy your party. See you this week. Don't forget to set up the profile." Girl gives orders.
Boy listens and laughs. Boy also needs to buy some nautical rope and tie the girl up and spank her until she is screaming for pain. Girl does not know how to have normal sex. Only the man she was with understood her. But perhaps boy is trainable. Girl is not confident. But girl has to try. Her exboyfriend has abandoned her like she feared. Never ever gave a shit about her. Compartmentalized her, and when she wanted her own rights back, he left her, and went on with 99% of his life as if nothing ever existed between them.
That's what happens when your heart is broken. You attempt to create a past that resembles your life before any of this has happened. You try to move on. You try to feel that you are desirable and people will make time for you and care about you. You try to be in control. But you still can't figure out why he left you. He left you crying, helpless, sad, and begging for his return. And he just laughed, or perhaps he just had not thought about you at all. You never existed. You were just a free call girl at his service, his doormat. Until he was tired of you.
Perhaps that's really why. Because you are no longer his object of affection. You no longer mattered to him. You never did matter. And that is the end.
And with that, you know it's time to move on. It's never easy, but tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow boy will be there, to tell her how much she is wanted and how lucky he is to have found her.
Tomorrow. There is always a tomorrow.
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