Went to a bar. Need to feel revalidated. It was easy. Of course it was easy. Men. Women. Attractive women. Successful attractive women. Renaissance successful attractive women. Women who have many interests who can talk about the latest technology, the political environment in the middle east or Africa, the latest restaurants, Dead Metaphor at A.C.T., Sleep No More NYC in Chelsea, porn shoots at the Armory, and the skillfulness of self portrait of your naked body with your iPhone. Not to mention, RN74 carried a lot of expensive French reds, and the pending farm house acquisition of mine in France. A woman who just returned from a nudist colony, who was just in remote parts of the world, who could talk about diving or golfing or D.J. at Vessel, and what do you think about the new pope Frances being a jesuit?
I'm a woman with many interest. I like talking about everything except - the love business. I don't like to talk about dating. Dating sucks. I would like to fuck. That's it. Just fucking. I don't know why it is so hard to fuck. To find someone you want to fuck with.
I have plenty of men who would want to fuck me but I have zero interest. I liked their stories though, to hear how they want to score.
At the core, I'm a nice caring gentle loving person who is fortunately loved by many. I am a compassionate person who required little attention. I have a big heart and I want to give. When I love someone I loved with passion and I gave them the space they needed. I was giving in the bedroom and I was perfectly content being on my own for a long period of time. I don't understand, which is why I still cry, a man whom I loved would treat me so horribly so dismissively and so heartless and so careless. I don't understand because he toyed with my emotions and my heart, and I gave very little reason for him to do that. I was self contained and I was so ready to be with him or for me to leave him but to not have any sort of communication? That's coward. And I've been friends with him for 15 years. And this is not the kind of way I want to end things. This should not be the way to end things. I can't begin to imagine how this happened. I thought we'd have a good conversation and be civil about it. I gave no reason to my boyfriend, ex anyway to feel insecure or anything. I simply loved him with all my heart and would be willing to give up anything for him.
Therein lies the problem. I have lost control and I am no longer the person I just described. I lost myself and therefore all my self-respect and self-control.
Never a good place to be. To lose yourself. Lose your voice, and your heart.
Heart is broken. Heart is in millions of pieces. And all I needed, was not amend the heart, but someone who cared about me enough that he'd pick up the phone and call me or ask to meet up with me. Not like one line of email, and a year of half of relationship. Gone, wiped out, as if it never existed.
I'm a woman with many interest. I like talking about everything except - the love business. I don't like to talk about dating. Dating sucks. I would like to fuck. That's it. Just fucking. I don't know why it is so hard to fuck. To find someone you want to fuck with.
I have plenty of men who would want to fuck me but I have zero interest. I liked their stories though, to hear how they want to score.
At the core, I'm a nice caring gentle loving person who is fortunately loved by many. I am a compassionate person who required little attention. I have a big heart and I want to give. When I love someone I loved with passion and I gave them the space they needed. I was giving in the bedroom and I was perfectly content being on my own for a long period of time. I don't understand, which is why I still cry, a man whom I loved would treat me so horribly so dismissively and so heartless and so careless. I don't understand because he toyed with my emotions and my heart, and I gave very little reason for him to do that. I was self contained and I was so ready to be with him or for me to leave him but to not have any sort of communication? That's coward. And I've been friends with him for 15 years. And this is not the kind of way I want to end things. This should not be the way to end things. I can't begin to imagine how this happened. I thought we'd have a good conversation and be civil about it. I gave no reason to my boyfriend, ex anyway to feel insecure or anything. I simply loved him with all my heart and would be willing to give up anything for him.
Therein lies the problem. I have lost control and I am no longer the person I just described. I lost myself and therefore all my self-respect and self-control.
Never a good place to be. To lose yourself. Lose your voice, and your heart.
Heart is broken. Heart is in millions of pieces. And all I needed, was not amend the heart, but someone who cared about me enough that he'd pick up the phone and call me or ask to meet up with me. Not like one line of email, and a year of half of relationship. Gone, wiped out, as if it never existed.
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